Transform Discomfort into Shared Humanity with Tonglen
It’s easy to feel isolated during this pandemic and certainly watching recent events and protests can increase that isolation because so many of us don’t know what to do - or what is even safe to do. But as with any crisis, it also brings opportunity. The practice of Tonglen is an ancient Tibetan practice that allows us to take those feelings that we don’t know what to do with and transform them into a greater connection with humanity.
Literally translated, Tonglen means “taking and sending.” The basic concept is that we take in the pain and suffering of others and we send out whatever will bring relief. Pema Chodron, a renowned and revered Tibetan nun, strongly advocates for the use of this practice and teaches that it will even open the door to awakening itself.
The formal practice begins with a “flash of blue sky,” or in Buddhist terms, a “flash of bodhichita.” We bring to mind feelings of wide open spaces, blue sky, the vast ocean, anything that expands our perspective and makes us feel open and alive. We do this to center ourselves so that we are able to move to the next step which is to breathe in the pain or discomfort that you are witnessing. This pain does not need to be anything extraordinary. Our daily aversions will work for this practice. We call to mind the situation that we want to ease and visualize it as hot, thick, dark air and experience it as a feeling of claustrophobia, the opposite of our flash of openness. And then on the exhale we send out cool, crisp air, openness, and healing, whatever relief the situation calls for. I like to visualize the entire room that I’m sitting in filling up with blue air which gets more beautiful and blue as I practice. We synchronize our breathing with the visualization: inhaling pain and dark, stagnant, thick air, and exhaling relief, healing, crisp blue breath.
After we have cycled through this process a few times, we then generalize our feelings to others who share those feelings same feelings at the same time all over the world. For example, we have all seen the sad and disturbing video of George Floyd’s death. We can breathe that in, feeling his pain, the pain of his family and community and the world at large, and we know others are sharing our feelings at this very moment. Then we breathe out compassion, healing, and open space, sending that relief to everyone else who shares our pain.
When I practice Tonglen, I find it breaks down the barriers between me and my neighbor, between me and the homeless person on the street, between me and the protesters and the protested alike. I can literally feel the change and shift in my energy which, in turn, changes my perspective on the world and the way that I interact with it.
This doesn’t have to be a formal practice that we prepare for or limit it to the meditation cushion. In fact, Pema Chodron advocates that we use Tonglen “on the spot,” that is on the street in our daily life. We see the homeless person digging through the trash, we feel the pain of that person and so many others like them, breathe it in, and then send out relief with our exhale. We see a crying child and their parent, we feel the discomfort of both, we breath it in, and exhale peace and tranquility.
The beauty of this practice is that we can do it anywhere and with anything. If you’re struggling and you don’t know how to respond to a situation you can use that feeling of uncertainty to connect with other people who also experience uncertainty and send them the relief that you seek for yourself. Little by little, with each practice, the walls of separation are eroded and replaced with a greater sense of community with everyone we see. It reminds us of our common humanity, that none of us wants to suffer, that we’re all seeking peace and happiness for ourselves and our loved ones. The practice of Tonglen allows us to use our compassion to transform this crisis into a turning point in ourselves for greater connection in a more humane society. Let’s not let this opportunity go to waste. Now, breath in . . .